Directed by: Jonathan Eusebio
Written by: Jonathan Eusebio
Run Time: 1 hour 23 minutes

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Stunt coordinator-turned-director Jonathan Eusebio certainly has an impressive amount of experience when it comes to delivering a picture that packs a punch. Amongst others, he’s had a hand in bringing John Wick, Jason Bourne and Iron Man to the big screen. It makes perfect sense then that his first foray into direction, Love Hurts, is too a fight-heavy action vehicle.

Ke Huy Quan is the one behind the wheel of this directorial debut, leading as successful and optimistic estate agent, Marvin Gable. But before he made a name for himself selling houses he worked as a deadly assassin for his mobster brother, Alvin (Daniel Wu). After receiving a Valentine’s Day card from another of Alvin’s ex-employees, Rose (Ariana DeBose), Marvin’s criminal past starts to catch up with him, as he’s dragged right back into the world that he’s worked so hard to escape.

This is Quan’s first leading role since his Oscar win for his work in Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022), and he’s not the only Academy Award winner in the cast either. Playing alongside him is Ariana DeBose, who of course won for her performance in Steven Spielberg’s West Side Story (2021). So with two of the Academy’s most recent acting winners in its cast, it would be reasonable to expect the project to be of a certain calibre. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case and having these two award-winners front and centre only exposes the shortcomings of Love Hurts all the more clearly.

Eusebio at least manages to deliver some adequate action; it’s clean, well choreographed and energetic. Yet, nothing about it feels exciting. Perhaps it’s just another instance of the final product not living up to expectations. After all, with a CV as impressive as his, if you’re not delivering John Wick or Jason Bourne levels of action, disappointment is inevitable. There’s nothing here that hasn’t been done better elsewhere before, even with Eusebio’s clear, yet misguided attempts to inject creativity – there’s a kitchen brawl that bizarrely features a couple of appliance POV shots, because apparently audiences need to see things from the microwave’s perspective? Nonetheless, the action is largely serviceable and nowhere near the biggest issue with Love Hurts.

It’s the dreadful writing that will really prevent audiences from becoming any way enamoured with the film. The decision to frame the film around Valentine’s Day is the first misstep. If it had been properly integrated with the script this context could have made for a fun angle, but here it’s nothing more than a cheap tactic to try and cash in on date night, and more obviously a desperate attempt to give the film any kind of discernible identity. All the forced and sporadic Valentine’s references could be removed and the film would be exactly the same, or likely, better. Because as it is, Love Hurts is about as romantic as a bunch of flowers from the garage.

The screenplay itself, penned by a trio of writers – this alone enough to set alarm bells ringing – is paper-thin. Much of the story is left to be explained by way of characters’ uninteresting and exaggerated inner monologues, and there’s hardly any development of the relationships that are integral to the plot. The hero/villain dynamic born out of Marvin and Alvin’s fractured brotherly bond is barely explored, while the meagre efforts to try and generate a romantic connection between Marvin and Rose are embarrassing. Rather, the film seems more interested in a peculiar romantic subplot between two of its forgettable supporting characters (Lio Tipton and Mustafa Shakir). Although, with the blatant lack of chemistry between Quan and DeBose – who both struggle to make anything of this script – maybe the audience was somewhat spared that their “romance” hardly featured.

Thankfully, at not even ninety minutes long, Love Hurts at least has the good manners to be short, because like all the worst first dates, it’s obvious from only minutes in that it’s going to be a disaster. Yes, Ke Huy Quan is as enthusiastic as always, but unlike the sales superstar he portrays, this is one cinematic property he just can’t sell.

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Star Rating: ★ ★

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